Breaking the Paradox of Play
While we know that play offers a panoply of affective benefits, we tend to move toward playing when we are already in a good mood. What happens when you have a bad day at work, get into a conflict with a loved one, feel your fuse shortening or the week has just run you down? Play?
Maybe not.
That’s what we call the Paradox of Play, and in its purest form, it simply points to the fact that we don’t often play when we need it the most. Why is that? Without suggesting a clinical explanation, the lack of desire to play when it could help probably comes down to some pretty reasonable reasons:
1. Lack of Emotional Energy: Play requires a kind of openness and willingness to engage. When you’re sad or anxious, the brain often defaults into survival mode. That creative, spontaneous part of you faces a wall of inertia. You get trapped in a loop where you are too tired to play to generate the energy you need to play. Paradox.
2. Shame or Self-Judgment: When you feel down, it seems like that inner critic takes the stage.“This isn’t the time to play. You have serious stuff going down.” And once you go down that road, play starts to seem like an approach to avoiding issues rather than engaging them.
3. Suppressed Imagination: “The opposite of play isn’t work, its depression”, as Stuart Brown has notably quoted. And if the is the case, then it’s axiomatic that you are as far from play as possible when you feel down. Your brain stops imagining that play is available, even if it is.
What’s even more problematic is that the Paradox of Play also comes up in more mundane situations. Are you dreading cleaning the house, finishing a report or doing your taxes? Lack of energy and imagination combined with some self-judgment can keep you on the couch rather than following Mary Poppins in finding fun in work you’d like to avoid.
So how do you cut through the Paradox?
Play On!
While there’s no recipe book for applying play to improve your mood (that we know of), some ideas come to mind. In the spirit of playing with the Paradox, here’s what we have to share:
- Phone a friend: Sure, finding a shoulder to cry on is sometimes the best thing in the world. But what if you have a friend or two you have given permission to playfully cheer you up? Come up with a codeword. Call that special pal and tell them: “I’m sad. Play me up!” They’ll know what to do.
- Start small: Doodle, hum, do a little dance. You don’t have to dive headfirst into play to start the process.
- Go find some fun: Disneyland is the “Happiest Place on Earth” not because people don’t get angry and sad and stressed and upset there. It’s the happiest because it’s a place designed to be playful, lighthearted and fun. Do you have a fun place? A tree swing? A pinball parlor, an ice cream shop or even a place where you can just skip stones in a river? Make a list of places that bring out the play in you before you need it. Then get there when you do.
- Practice makes perfect: Don’t you hate those people who seem to be able to laugh at disaster, skip past failure and smile in the face of conflict? Don’t be a hater; aspire to be them. As Rumi advised, ”There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground; there are a thousand ways to go home again.” If that’s the case, there has to be just as many ways to find your playful soul and live in that place during times of trouble.